This isn’t one of those annoying headlines that gets flipped on its arse and actually ends up telling you how incredibly amazing Copenhagen is. Nope – this article is an honest account of why Copenhagen is utterly shite.
How did I end up somewhere so awful? I fell victim to various accounts from various friends, all of whom painted Copenhagen as a real ‘must see’. Someone even told me it’s their favourite city in Europe. Oh dear.
I’d also read that the Danes are some of the happiest folk on the planet. Guess what? It turned out to be fake news. We figured this out fairly quickly for ourselves – on the train from the airport, actually, when we got told off by none other than a teenager for daring to whisper in the quiet carriage. We also got a finger wagging for unwittingly leaning against the walls of the palace – fair play there I suppose – although in our defence it didn’t look like a palace…at all.
So, 6 reasons Copenhagen sucks balls:
1. It’s dreary as hell
Actually, hell would be a lot less dreary. At least all that fire would give it some colour – something Copenhagen is noticeably devoid of. The buildings are bleak, lacklustre and remarkably uninspired. With the exception of Nyhavn and Frederik’s Church in Amalienborg, there’s really nothing that catches the eye.
2. It’s SO expensive
A small bottle of water is close to £2 and a pint can set you back as much as £8. One evening, we paid £70 for 2 pizzas, two beers, a glass of wine and a bottle of water. Oh, and the pizzas were shit. AND we had to collect them from the counter ourselves when our crappy plastic buzzer started going berserk. I’m pretty sure you have to pay for tap water too. Not cool.
3. The weather is depressing
Admittedly, winter may not have been the best time to visit Northern Europe. But it’s sure put me off ever going again.
4. It’s pretty boring
The one attraction Copenhagen is known for – the Little Mermaid statue – can be better described as a dwarf-sized non-attraction. The airport has a replica anyway which saves you a disappointing trip, not to mention the huge queue of tourists lining up to take an underwhelming selfie. The only mildly interesting thing about it is that it gets decapitated every couple of years, undoubtedly by bored Danish teenagers.
5. There’s shit in the streets
Horse shit, mind. But shit nonetheless.
6. Christiania is a shithole
I imagined Christiania as a hippy haven and a street art photographer’s dream. How wrong I was. The ‘freetown’ is a total dump full of shifty characters in dire need of a bath and a haircut. Taking photos is also forbidden, which turned out not to be such a problem after all. Verdict: don’t waste your time.
6 reasons Copenhagen is okay (but not worth going for)
1. The Round House
It has a spiral ramp you can run down if you’re feeling energetic, and the roof offers panoramic views of Copenhagen’s splendour. Don’t all rush at once.
2. Frederik’s Church
It has a very impressive dome. And it’s a great place for a nap.
3. The coins
They have holes in, like the donuts you can’t afford.
4. Church of our Saviour
A lovely baroque church with some cool relics and a helix spire with an external winding staircase. 400 steps, 90 metres above street level – it’s probably the only time you’ll have an adrenaline rush in Copenhagen.
5. The Aquarium
Cool building, interesting marine species and, best of all, out of town.
6. The Copenhagen Card
Heads up: they rarely check the expiry date. Hello free attractions for 72 hours instead of the 48 we paid for, plus a free ride to the airport. Having said that, I would’ve happily paid good money to journey back to the airport and get the hell out of dodge.
Have you been to Copenhagen? Did you hate it as much as I did or am I missing something?
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